“Every crisis, every painful experience can also be a door. If we dare to step through it, we may find our strength, our truth, and our real connection.”  

Introduction

They say suffering only gains meaning when we face it fully: when we let it teach us, embrace it without judgment, and allow it to guide us toward healing. Traumas and crises can push us out of our comfort zones, forcing us to shed old patterns and step onto a new path.

This was my own experience in July 2022, when I ended another disfunctional relationship. I knew it was another dramatic finale of a period of my life. I couldn’t continue as before – I was ready for anything that could help me face myself and the roots of these destructive patterns. (Little did I know, this was just the beginning of another winding road.)

That’s when I saw an Instagram ad: Strong, tribal-looking men inviting participants to a four-day retreat in Portugal, called EMX (Embodied Masculine Experience). It was hosted by Sacred Sons, a U.S.-based men’s community. The price was high – but I didn’t care.

Traveling through Faro, I arrived at a desert-like location on the southern Portuguese coast. Even on the bus ride there, men from all over the world – Germany, Belgium, Brazil, Slovenia, the U.S., Ireland, Holland – shared with me things they had never said aloud before. The atmosphere was instantly honest, vulnerable, and supportive.

That retreat was life-changing. Among the facilitators, to my astonishment, I spotted a Hungarian name: Gábor Windt. Meeting him was a gift, and made me feel less anxious about the whole thing. Later, back in Budapest, we connected again – and I began attending his powerful men’s circles. Today, I am proud to call him a friend.

Here is our conversation.

On Beginnings

Q: How did you first come close to men’s work?

Gábor Windt:

I started martial arts at age four. It was a family tradition – my father was a high-level Shotokan karate practitioner, and it became my path too. I competed professionally until I was thirty. Along the way, I met my first true mentor, Sadashige Kato, who later became president of the European and World Karate Federations.

He was my first real father figure: a strict, disciplined man, almost like a samurai. He had no conscious relationship with emotions or trauma, but he knew how to channel male energy. Despite his hardness, our relationship was healthy, and I owe much of my sports success to him.

On Self-Development

Q: When did self-development enter your life?

Gábor:

At twenty-eight, I realized I must take responsibility for the repeating difficulties in my life. Nobody around me was on this path, so it was new and unknown.

For six years, I traveled regularly to Nepal and India, studying Buddhism. I still have a spiritual teacher there who helps me integrate those teachings into Western life without dogma. Around seven years ago, psychology also became part of my journey.

Today, I mainly work with body-oriented methods that connect directly to men’s work. They allow deep transformation by working with the body, emotions, and presence.

On Becoming a Man

Q: Do we become men, or are we born that way?

Gábor:

This question found me three or four years ago, and it still drives me. What is a man’s role in his own life, in his family, in society? How can he step into his true potential? Modern psychology inspires me, but so do ancient tribal initiation rites. I try to combine their essence. In three or four days, at a retreat, we can do transformative work that sparks profound changes in participants’ lives.

On Initiation

Q: Western cultures have lost their initiation rites. How do you see this?

Gábor:

Initiation ceremonies once carried huge psychological and spiritual weight. For boys, leaving the mother emotionally and being welcomed among men was a crucial step. Today, many grow up without that.

Robert Bly, in Iron John, describes how absent fathers leave boys confused. Without shared experiences, traditions, or guidance, they often generate dark fantasies.

I myself participated in a vision quest, an ancient Native American initiation: four days and nights alone, without food or water, on the mountain. It’s incredibly powerful. These rituals are about death and rebirth – letting go of the old self so the new can emerge.

On Men’s Circles

Q: What is the purpose of a men’s circle?

Gábor:

There’s no single answer, because men bring very different issues. But essentially, the purpose is reconnection – to ourselves, and to a healthy, grounded sense of masculinity.

It’s not about suppressing our sensitive or feminine sides. Quite the opposite: in a safe space, men can show their struggles, their pain, without judgment.

“It’s incredibly healing to experience how men – without women present – can create a space that is supportive, loving, and at the same time honest, direct, and challenging.”

In such circles, decades of hidden pain can surface. Facilitators guide the process so it becomes not just catharsis but integration – so the participant returns stronger, more whole.On Brotherhood vs. the Lone Wolf

Q: Is this also about going beyond the ‘lone wolf’ role men are expected to play?

Gábor:

Exactly. We’re not meant to do everything alone. The group’s support is essential – yet individual responsibility also matters. Our presence deeply affects our partners, children, families, whether we want it or not.

Many women are forced into “male roles” because their partners are emotionally immature. That dynamic always causes suffering. But men also suffer in such relationships, even if unconsciously. Men’s circles help us break these cycles.

On Masculinity and the Feminine

Q: Does this work also connect us to our feminine side?

Gábor:

Yes. But not through weakness or victimhood. True masculinity doesn’t mean beating our chests on mountaintops. It’s about integrity, presence, and courage to stand for what matters to us.

The “wild man” in Iron John isn’t a toxic madman – he’s the raw force of passion and adventure that leads us back to our noble masculine essence.

“Whether you’re a fighter or a painter, what matters is that you show up fully for your life.”

On Anger and the Warrior

Q: How do you see the warrior archetype?

Gábor:

Not as soldiers or karate fighters. The warrior is about boundaries. Anger, for example, is not evil. It’s a signal that someone has crossed a line. If we suppress it, it becomes toxic, leading to war, violence, abuse.

In men’s work, we safely express these energies, transforming them into constructive action. This is not about repression – it’s about channeling them.

Through physical and emotional practices – even in ritual combat – men learn to face what’s behind their anger: fear, grief, or a desire to protect.

On Transformation

Q: How do you decide what practices to include in a retreat?

Gábor:

There’s a framework, but within it we follow intuition and the group’s needs. Often, a simple exercise leads to deep processes, and we adapt in the moment.

What emerges is always collective. No one’s process is isolated; it touches everyone. That’s the beauty of it.

Sometimes we use elements of psychodrama, family constellations, breathwork, movement, or even sweat lodges. The goal is always deep integration in body, mind, and spirit levels.

On Healing

Q: Can you describe what transformation feels like?

Gábor:

Imagine carrying a painful memory you’ve never faced. In the safety of the circle, you allow those emotions to rise – more intensely than ever before. You go through it, and at the end, thirty men lift you up with their hands, singing for you.

“The memory doesn’t disappear, but it no longer controls you. You walk away lighter, stronger, changed.”

This is not magic. It’s hard work. But if you invest, it will change your life.

Closing

Gábor:

This path isn’t about quick fixes. It’s the rugged but beautiful way of action, presence, and responsibility. Step up, if you feel the call.  

Photo source: bronson.men